One more day till the end of A2 examination for A-levels.
I still remember the first day of college vividly when I was standing at the lobby thinking to myself that this is just one platform that I must get through with before I go for my law degree. One and a half year seem like a rather short period of time to be honest when you finish 11 years of public school education. What seems to me as a mere platform really transformed me in so many ways.
You realise that you have friends that were never yours at all. You see people relying on material possession to keep themselves afloat in what is called the Social Status. You realise that you are not that smart after all after facing tertiary education and how easy it is to slip off from where you are compared to secondary school. You realise that "love" simply don't exist if not coupled with "lust" in college. You would doubt the very existence of pure love in the society we live in today. The same would go for loyalty in friendship.
Some people go through this phase by following the flow which is easy because that just require you to succumb to social pressure and simply follow what others is doing. In fact,you might just have a good time in college and not worry about anything else. Some choose to live in denial and exist as a phantom in college ignoring what other does or talk about. Most of them come out with excellent result and snigger at those who chase for social status which makes them end up in some university that requires their parents just to pay money.
The truth is there is no winner or loser when it comes to college life. At least that is what I learnt from my experience being in college for that period of time. At the end of the day,it all goes back to what the individual chase for in life. Some people miss out on the social circle in high school and try to be that person that they failed to be in high school. Some choose to lose who they are in high school and reborn as a new person in college. Some just could not be bothered to change at all.
So what the author of this blog has chosen for his college life?
The fact is that I tried to be both the outgoing person and the nerd in college as well.
That was the biggest mistake.
I did not only succumb to social pressure but I tried to act like I did not at the same time. This left me thinking that I am smart and outgoing at the same time.
Needless to say,when my results came out for AS examination,I got one of the biggest hit of my life. If I were to describe it using physical means,it would amount to a Punch right on your face that shatters your nose. It makes you go blank for a moment then you just lie there slowly recalling the pain of the punch. The most painful part was not on my side,it was on my parents who were so hopeful when I went into college. Your son going to college with a full scholarship but ended up flunking his exam. I can't help but to feel guilty for shattering their hope.
Then you realise that you only have a handful of friends that will be there for you during times like this. You go around looking for answers of what went wrong in your life and get temporary answers which serve as a covering over your wound.
Then I started to shut everyone off from my life. I need to make things right again and for months I held on to that mindset. I told myself that I never want to see that disappointed face of my dad ever again because it hurts me so bad. To take this stance in life would be the start of one of the toughest period of my life. There are nights that stress overtook me and I just simply feel deflated. People that I love being pushed away from me.
If I have not found God,things would have been much worse. My prayer was always for God to be with me throughout this period. Knowing that He is here for me has brought great comfort in facing the harsh reality. Watching the trials and tribulation Jesus gone through in His life taught me about perseverance. Having my church friends around me has brought great encouragement and watching some of them know God like I did brings great joy to me. For that,I am forever grateful.
I understand now why I have to go through this before I am in university for degree.
Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that.
I counted once again almost fearful that it is true,One more day. It is finally gonna end for me. It has been a long journey yet it has been a "good teacher" to me. I thank God for this experience and I know I am going to walk out of this as a different man.